this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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