The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
