how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
