dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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