So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
