The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
