The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
