Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
