i think my mom watched the whole time
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
