It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Randomize
