Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
