just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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