I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
