there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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