I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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