I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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