You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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