apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
