ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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