You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
