my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
