Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
