If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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