Sorry, I don't speak sober.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
