I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
