you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
