Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
