Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
