You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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