After last night, I could never be a politician.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
