Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
there is glitter all over my balls
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
