in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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