That's when you crack a 10am beer
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
