i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
