Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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