I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
