so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
