no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
