his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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