There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
