how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
