Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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