Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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