think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
