How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
if only i could text you this smell
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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