Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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