I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
