i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
