Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
