some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
