Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
