I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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