this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
