They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
