I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
