I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
